i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
