its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
