the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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