seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize