At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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