Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
