i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
