i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
