connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
