I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
