He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
