based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
