So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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