Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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