If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
