Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
