What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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