I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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