Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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