things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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