New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
