Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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