Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
