If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
