I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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