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Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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