All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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