i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
