We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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