I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize