Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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