final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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