they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
