It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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