i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
