My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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