So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
