Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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