I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
