Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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