Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
