.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
