I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize