it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize