woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
