I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
