dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we're so committed to being not committed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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