just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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