My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
