just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
