I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
