when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
