you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize