my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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