Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
