This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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