Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
