are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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