Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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