my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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