I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
