There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
