Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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