You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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