Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
