Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
