It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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