2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
