I puked a lego.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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