I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
