I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
