I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
even my farts smell like vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
