Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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