Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
