It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
