walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Semen is not good for contacts.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
