someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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