Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
