is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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