this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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