Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
